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m0d:
Thanks! Librisness. I officially changed my name; I hate PTSD and this is why I officially changed it to my real name. Red-Ruby Rae (T.)

Ruby is my partner's second name. Everything for a reason. But I lost my hands in the process of doing too much work in such short time for not only Ericsson, HP, Netmatch, but also the countless Demosceneprojects as well as TMA. I got the worst. I have had to give up on my music dreams; why? sad story is; most of the ppl in TMA IRC deliberately hated on my music; ridiculed me and essentially that cost me my dreams. After all the work; getting screwed out of my hands by the work; and feeling worthless because THEY (even gopher) never showed any form of support other than "heh" or "meh"; it discouraged me over the course of 17 years to never believe in my musical abilities.

For this; I will never be able to forgive the community. Aside from that; the hate that poured from this community instead of supporting me in my time of need; after everything I had achieved - accusations of delusions of grandeur were wholey undeserved; and as such - I will always have a bitter resentment for those that whilst putting me down, went ahead and got exactly what they wanted in life.

I always evelvated people; but nothing ever came back the other way.

Always.

As such; not only is the RAMPANT homophobia and disrespect for my achievements & work overlooked; it is actively promoted by some individuals still in the community. You can point to those individuals should you want to place blame for me finally giving up with you all and leaving.

Honestly; it used to be my passion; they made it my poison; and despite being in recovery for 4 years I have attempted suicide 4 times (including jumping). That is what the demoscene ultimately did for me and my poor loving wife Ilona.

Mod Archive left a legacy in my life that I never want anything to do with again. That is not spite; I just had to start to learn to say NO, and stand up for myself.

On a side note; if you continute to use Espernet IRC network you are complicit in a network-level Espernet policy breach and that is something that makes a network untrustworthy - not only that but also emotionall abusive. I now give what I get, so excuse me while I say- so long, but thanks for absolutely nothing. Many of you will never know true love. That so sad, I have had someone watch over this entire thing; and she supports me in my decision to sever connections with the community which took everything and gave so little back.

Adios.

What goes around comes around. Eventually. Some of you are due.

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